Think of it this way, at least most of your wake-up calls about being "who you are" occurred the first semester of freshman year. The beginning of your semester was very similar to your singing audition today; you were perfectly calm, just waiting to do your thing, like most people. Then you go, and you realize you make one fluke of a mistake, and your whole world falls apart, and you regret ever living that day. You started out freshman year believing in yourself, making plans to make a lot of friends, but then you just got lost. Like most new things, you get lost. Why? Well, I guess it all comes down to just being yourself. No one on this entire campus knows who you truly are. You didn't let that happen for yourself. You were so worried and self-conscious about yourself the entire semester, that you let worries get the best out of you, and boy do you take things seriously, and that's half because you value friendship and warmth and support a lot. Who doesn't want that? Now, I understand that it was challenging considering you are not the type of person to trust, you are scared of judgements, so much that you protect yourself constantly but staying in your little shell, and nobody knows you. Nobody. And who do you spend time with? Random people you catch to spend time with, tag a long for a bit, than get lost again in space and time. What do you do to make yourself feel better? You do this: you write about yourself and hope that this will at least be for the better. You would not have been so depressed about myself, if you didn't hold back. What have you been doing your entire life? Holding back. What has it caused you to do? Hold back, even when you WANT to reach out. Yup. And now, you don't even know who your true companions are, because you didn't learn to trust anyone, and so nobody has trusted you. And now you feel empty. You feel kind of pathetic, because of how socially inept you have become, partly because you know it didn't have to be that way. And this audition, right....about that, it honestly wasn't that bad, but you know it didn't have to be like that. You practiced and practiced, and overlooked one little thing, finding your note in the beginning, that one little fluke that threw you off the whole damn song because you were so busy over-thinking the mistake. You HAVE to let mistakes go, and just learn from them. Okay, so as of now, making a first good impression isn't your forte, because first encounters are you weakest point in life. From all of these experiences, I have one thing to say to you. Keep being as diligent as you are, but stop over-thinking. Don't overanalyze every second of your life, it wasn't meant to be. That will stop half the problem. The next part of the problem, is just BE YOURSELF, don't try to live up to expectations of people. Don't try to become somebody your not, listen to your impulses and instincts. Listen to yourself more, and love yourself more. You know who you can be because you feel it inside you every day, but it never shows. Now, it might be a little challenging to reach out and become who you want to be, but at least you have learned a life lesson. Please work on it, no, that's the wrong word, just relax and listen to your instincts. Or you will always be lost in this convoluted world. Accept your weaknesses, let them pass, and thrive more in your strengths, and let them show, don't be modest, because that only looks like weakness. Feel, don't think. God damnit, let yourself feel. You know you want it in your subconscious, and your letting those inner demons get to you. Put those aside. Life is not worth living unless you become who you truly are. You will love life so much more. You feel better now though, don't you? This may be a process, because you will fall back into your bad habits. But from now on, make a vow that you will stay conscious about only one thing: being yourself. Feel. Trust your instincts and impulses. Love life more. Don't over-think. That's all life is worth living for. You will feel less empty. A lot less empty. Don't forget this voice. This is an important voice that you have stored away for far too long. You know your potential, so let it be. That's the only way you can make it in this business anyway. Until you find that, you can't go forward. You will always stay in one place. And your too good for that, and you know you won't be satisfied. Breathe, enjoy life the way you want to. Please. Every day, from now on.
Okay, time to put this into action now.
No comments:
Post a Comment