That Fine Line

You know how I wrote that I could feel my future ahead of me?

Well, I can. I can feel it. It's gray though.

You know why?

heh....that fundamental question right? why....

It's because I can't cross that fine line, between living in the false or living in the TRUTH.

I need to just let myself live in MY TRUTH.

Why...again...can't I do that?

Because...all my life...I've chosen to be safe, and live in the false. But now I want the truth.

I need it to become the person inside me.

And the reason I'm not is because I was scared by society.

ART

Art is for the things in life that are hidden from us,

that are not mentioned,

that we are in denial of,

that we are afraid of: the truth.

ART: To express those things that everybody knows, but doesn't explain.

You, Art, represent the unmentioned by

expressing the raw truths. Our raw truths. Good or bad.

At least from my perspective.

I should think of my own craft for acting as my way to analyze all the things that go on in my head, and what is the best way to express those. It is definitely self-discovery process, with the product of performance. Therapeutic development and training that evolves into art.

Connecting with another actor on the same level is also a very powerful tool. It feels overwhelmingly enlightening and surreal. Your heart races and your mind is sharp.

All the world needs now ... is confidence, sweet confidence.

Intimidation is the perception downfall of my life...

Don't let it happen to you.

In order to cleanse myself for being timid, I think about the perception of the other person, what they got from me. Enough ? or not enough?

People can't see right through, even though I think they can.

I need to learn to let people in without feeling violated or embarrassed.

Acceptance...big word to me.

You know, there are many kinds of people out in the world. Funny, sad, cynical, strange, sick, perverted, contemplative, intuitive, real, lazy, introverted, extroverted, crazy, sensitive, positive. Whatever it is, it's really not for you to change. You can guide them to a happier life for themselves, but you don't make the choices. But even so, you still have to accept things. Acceptance is a big word for me to embrace, because its about accepting what is realistic, and living in harmony with that, whether it means not being grumpy at someone who mentions something you don't like, or just asking someone if they need something extra that day. As long as you accept what's there, maybe then we can all figure out a way to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses and work in a unified form as a human race. That is at least what I think I am trying to do with my own perspective of the world. It might just work for me, personally. But that's okay, because then I shall be at peace with my ever racing mind.

As an actor, person to actor, mind to actor, animal to actor, sound to actor, senses to actor, feelings to actor, I need to be able to keep this crucial aspect in mind: As an actor you create images for the audience. To stir THEIR imagination, you must be fully connected and committed to a dynamic idea through your body, mind, and spirit. You can do this by physicalizing a specific and powerful image that you initially created deep inside you through the discovery of breathing, alignment, senses, imagery, sound, and personal experience of all these things to specific physical movements. Ideas locked in the intellect and not released through the body cannot be executed in a visual sense for an audience.

Ultimately, it's all about the audience. It's not really about you. It's about you to discover it for yourself in order to portray it in a universal form that everyone would understand. In order to do this, you have to see what works for you, and what doesn't work for you. So you have to be vulnerable to try and release everything through exercise and practice. It's all about that in acting class. In acting class, that's the etiquette, to follow through with all of this. It's not about oh, do I look foolish. It's about oh, is this a way I can relate to a movement, and does this movement portray what I want it to portray?

This sort of mentality is something I must maintain in an acting class to carry out tasks appropriately and learn from them.